Sunday, January 09, 2005

Tsunami, 160000 dead

What I described as the most appalling news in my last post, looks like a wish now... Imagine wishing that only 60000 people were dead..What a wish.

The death toll rose up to more than 160 thousands as I hear on the news these days.

Don't know what to say..May be that is destiny.

160000 people dead! ... Just try to count to that number..:((

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Earthquake and me

Last year,
Dec. 26th,
major earthquake in Iran,
me in India, killed 30 000.
major relief effort from outside and fellow countrymen
historical mobilization of people in Iran specially in Tehran.

This year,
Dec. 26th,
major earthquake and Tsunami in Indian ocean,
me in Iran,
killed 60 000.
the biggest relief operation from outside and local people.

may be happy not to be there when it happened,
but certainly missed to share in relief effort.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Merry Christmas

Today was Christmas, the time of happy memories for millions of people. I remember last year on this day I was sitting and drinking with a man who is not there any more, a man who didnt look a bit like someone who might not be there the year after.

I remember sitting beside a small fully decorated Christmas tree and bargaining with his wife to let us drink a bit more. LOL. I remember his comments on the brand of the drink and all.

He is not there any more and his loss is a major blow. He is not there but I would like to tell him merry christmas and wish him peace in heaven. May God bless him and give patience to his kids to bear the loss.

Merry Christmas and happy new year

Denver's "Fill up my Senses"

I was hopping around the channels with the remote control tonight when I accidentally got a movie on John Denver. It was right on the part where his lovely song Annie's Song was playing,

The song took me back to years ago when I was doing my undergraduate..when things seems much simpler.. when every little thing could excite you in life. The song took me to some body called Hadi Ebrahimi who loved playing his guitar and was a wonderful singer.. Annie's song was his specialty.. I remember the time I pushed him to play it for me so that I could record it and he played so beautifully like he was feeling into the song.

Now when the song plays again it brings me a mixture of feelings, may be some nostalgia, may be some vacuume, some thing lost, some thing gone in vain, something not fulfilled.

That friend of mine is not around any more I hear he lives in another city happily with his wife (and may be kids) but he is a part of my feelings for this song among other things.

Lucky those who can sing this for some one, or have some one to sing them this.
The song reads,

You fill up my senses like a night in the forest
Like a mountain in spring-time
like a walk in the rain
like a storm in the desert
like a sleepy blue ocean...

Monday, December 13, 2004

Unbearable lightness of emptiness

Sometimes life is too light to keep your body down on earth. Too wieghless like you constantly feel that your heart wants to ascend and get out of your body then you resort to breathig deep managing your inside so that you can keep your inner stuff inside for some more time. i guess i am breathing deep.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Butterfly Effect

I desprately feel like posting something in my mother tongue Persian/Farsi. But I dont know how this shit woks. I guess, I dont have the fonts or something. Keeps changing everything into stupid question marks. May be I should just put the question marks after all.

Things are very confused inside and outside of me. The whole politics shit looks like useles waste of time. Nothing keeps me entertained now they rather make me puke my brain out. The world seems too complicated to deal with. And life is sliping away from my hands like a restless alive fish and so it has been for a while.

My life is looking like a movie. I even thought of writing the drama. A cool movie can come out yet the end isnot clear.

Shit, this movie, Butterfly Effect, is all in my head all the time. Could be wonderful.. just a small Butterfly Effect.

My mind works too fast and I can't pace it any more. It has been a while this speed hasnot been to my benefit.

Oh God, how do I post this beautiful poem and that somebody just wrote to me in Farsi.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

The Unbearable Darkness of Being

Here is an article forwarded to me by Sherry, an ardent social right activist, from Florida. It first appeared on Read for yourself.

The Unbearable Darkness of Being

By Lakshmi Chaudhry, AlterNet. Posted November 3, 2004.

It’s Wednesday morning, the day after a long night spent watching the election returns. I fight to stay asleep, to postpone the inevitable moment when I'll get up – and know. As I lay in bed, I remember something a friend said last night: “It’s not our country anymore."

As I struggle to get through the day, dragging around the weight beginning to settle on my heart, her words stay with me. They echo in the back of my head when I hear Kerry's concession speech; watch the CNN blowhards natter on about "unity"; read the inevitable lefty post-mortems that crowd my e-mail inbox.

They talk about everything except the obvious: It hurts! All this ink spilt on the sell-out Democratic Party, the incompetent media, and the future of a divided nation and not a word about the emotional reality of loss. Do you think it's because they're mostly men? Natch.

All the blame-mongering in the world can't erase the pain or, more importantly, the fear. My mind can handle the body blow of defeat, but it's the slow, seeping chill of dread that is harder to fend off.

This wasn't just another conservative victory. Lord knows, progressives have had plenty of practice losing elections in recent decades. And it isn't about partisanship. I'm not shedding any tears over Tom Daschle.

No, it's not about losing an election, but the fear of losing faith. Liberals have always believed that if we did everything right – got the truth out; got the people out – we would prevail. In the past, I could tell myself it was the wrong candidate, wrong strategy, wrong party – some reason why people didn't show up at the polls or vote for the "right" guy. Not any more.

On Tuesday, the largest turnout in recent history couldn't save us from defeat. Democracy won and so did George Bush. And all the Monday morning quarterbacking doesn't change the sad fact that the truth did not set us free. Nearly 52 percent of all Americans preferred to simply ignore reality to keep their faith in God and the man who is only too happy to play messiah.

This is now their White House, their Senate, their House of Representatives, and very likely their Supreme Court. It's their country.

Or at least that's the message I get from all the talk of "unity" and "healing" in the media. Now that the Democrats lost the political equivalent of the Super Bowl, I just need to shut up and put up. Anything less would just be typical liberal whining and bitterness. That I am afraid of what will happen to my country in the next four years is dismissed as just sore loser behavior. That I care about what will happen to my right to choose as a woman; the healthcare I can afford; the air I breathe; the soldiers I've spoken to – all this is just partisan obstinacy?

James Carville says that if liberals like me want to win, we need to learn how to talk to white guys in pickup trucks who think my gay friends are a sin against nature. But what could I possibly say to someone for whom a ban on abortion is the single most important issue in their life? There's no point in trying to "speak my values," if the folks I'm talking to think those values are simply wrong.

John Edwards was right in a way. There are two Americas: one that values tolerance, justice, and equality; the other that believes in Divine Will. But now that the Democrats lost the election – and control over every branch of government – I get to live in their America. And Carville wants me to talk to these guys? Or is he really saying that I need to be more like them? After all, it's not like I have any values that might be worth holding on to. Why not just put my silly liberal preoccupations with choice or sexual freedom aside so we can all come together as one nation – one nation under God, Guns, and (hating) Gays.

In the aftermath of the election, it feels like I've not just ceded my country, but also my self. I've become just one among the sea of anonymous losers whose concerns and issues are simply not relevant any more. In the space of a single night, I've become invisible.

It's hard – right now, at least – to fight that sense of irrelevance, the loss of purpose. I was exhausted and in tears the night we dropped the first bombs over Iraq. But I was back at work the next morning, determined to do my best. The fight was still ahead of me.

What stories should I assign for tomorrow, I ask myself now, trying to prod my slow-moving brain. Does it matter? Did any of my work over the past three years – through 9/11, the war, the election – matter? I'd planned to get pregnant next year. Maybe I'll just stay home with the baby – lose myself in motherhood as some women do when defeated in other parts of their lives.

The weariness will pass. It must. And the faith will return. I hope. But for now, I mourn.

Earlier on Tuesday night, I ran out to buy a pack of cigarettes from the local grocery store. "Who's winning?" asked the young African American woman at the checkout counter. When I told her it was Bush, she said, "I can't cry on the job. Guess I'll have to wait till later." It's later, now.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

US Presidential Election

US election is over and to many people's sadness George Bush won again. So.. It is the beloved democracy game right? the one who gets the majority gets agree right? no complaint. no right to complain... can you not?

One thing is clear to me that many people out there in USA or all over the world who wanted Kerry to win were not really 'Kerry crazy' , rather they were 'Bush mad'. This definitely includes me.

Don't know what to say more about it coz I can't make up my mind which point is more important. Kindda feels like if I discuss one point the other one is missed.

should I talk about how dangerous it is for a nation like America to go so Anti-Secular?

should I talk about how people's faith is being abused? (human came to the idea that religion is a personal matter so that it could be protected from such abuses and now we have to start over as it seems)

Should I analyze how manipulation of religion into political administration can lead to disaster?

should I point out the similarities of Bush approach towards civil rights and that of theocracies like Iran?

should I refer to some of my friends who find Bush administration ideology as a copy of monarchial church rule in a few centuries ago with a modern facade?

should I laugh on how USA is going back in time in its political ideology?(or rather grieve on it)

may be we should discuss what is missing in school curriculums in USA?

By the way have you ever thought why Canada is so keen of drawing a line between being Canadian and being American? do you know they hate to refer to USA as America? what is this being American?

or maybe we should reflect on why a man who is the president of the United States (Bush) should be saying that he is too proud not to be intellectual? (why would a person even think of saying such stupid thing)

maybe we can talk about reasons why in more urbanized spots Bush isnot popular (look at states that Kerry has won)

or somebody please tell me why there is statistically significance correlation between the level of education and Kerry support(or I shall say 'Anti-Bushism')

why New York which was the prime target of 9/11 attack isnot so keen on taking a revenge(you might actually ask why 9/11 didnot happen to a city in Texas in the first place!!?)

why people in NY who have actually suffered the loss of innocent loved ones in 9/11 are against war and Bush?

what is the difference between small suburb lifestyle and that of a major urban the difference sociologically significant? how about politically? how? why?

Do you know why all the ethnic or religious minorities hate Bush ( well Iranian American minority was a bit of a difference..they in vainly think Bush will 'free' Iran and give it to them to rule (please read: 'to eat' !!) or they think war is like a computer game; clean, entertaining, classy, modern, and exciting)

let's see how many of Bush voters know where middle east is?

let's see how many of these have a friend (too much?) ok an online chat friend from a Muslim country?

let's see if they know what systematic human right abuse mean?

lets see what they say if you show them the photo's of Abu Gharib prison in Iraq?

let's see how a given Bush voter takes it when he sees some body like me from Iran is actually asking these questions?

let's imagine his thoughts when he reads thiss?!! ...ouch...but sorry buddy, this is my blog and I write what I like.

Come on people what remark can be as naive as to say any one who is not with us is against us?(US!!)

what happened to all the human heritage of philosophy? weren't we talking about civilized man? weren't humans supposed to be multidimensional? Weren't different values supposed to be cherished? weren't we supposed to have freedom of expression?

well, from here where I stand (which is quite an abstract, theoretical spot), it certainly looks like a major step back in human development and the fact that America is the single super power in the world makes the damage deep.. Yeah you right USA is now too big to make mistake to important to go down.

To me it feels like this is the beginning of a new era when we start to go back in history and civilization.. This is the America going down (not that I like it or am excited about it) it is just deplorable to see human actually can't learn from history.

There is now two 'Americas'. America who is embarrassed to have a president like Bush (or anything close to it) and America where somebody like Bush can/will/should rule.